Monday, March 2, 2015

How To: Propagate a Succulent // If You Give A Plant A Haircut

Get ready for a thrilling tale of nature versus nurture starring the life of a succulent.

I have always killed succulents. Always. Until one day I had two breakthroughs, I was drowning them with love, water, diet coke and the little guys had no sunlight. I could get really deep right now and translate that into some metaphor about loving people well but I won't. 

Since then the greenery has been thriving. I don't water them as much, aka, pour the warm bottom bit of diet coke on them and I put them next to the window. I managed to keep two of the three alive. I feel like the odds are good for when I have children. One of these greens, let's call him Ness, did so well it outgrew it's pot. Ness needed a makeover so I googled how to propagate succulents. And would you believe on this giant world wide web I couldn't find what I was looking for. This only mean't one thing, I had to do what I do best, pretend to know what I'm doing. 

Your welcome for this step by step,(day by day), guide of professional photos. 

How to Propagate Succulents AKA The Loch Ness Monster's First Haircut:::
1. The before picture of Ness, who clearly needs a haircut. Rat tail that puts Shia LaBeouf to shame.
 2. Chop it like its hot. Grab some scissors and clip the top of your Ness* off. You want a piece big enough that it still has a few leaves on it.
 3. Put Ness*, post makeover, in a shady spot for a few days.
 4. Empty Ness's home of all previous roots to make room for new life to form. (This could also become a deep metaphor.)
 5. After a few days the end of Ness should have become callused, like feet. The end will be rougher and look a little darker, like my heart.
 Above photo is an example of a callused succulent.
6. Once the end is all rough and callused you move Ness into his new home, which is his old home just remodeled. Out with the old in with the new is the name of this game. Just plant him in there, rough end down. 

7. Don't add any water right away. Wait until roots have formed, Ness needs to approve of the remodel. It takes a few days for this to happen. Just pull Ness out to check for roots then put him back into the soil. Once the roots appear, water away! But only about once a week. Or they get soggy and die.

*the succulent

BONUS:: You can always just buy a new succulent because they're only like $2. But I like hard work and I'd rather get two items off a dollar menu.

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